What Were They Thinking? Installment 4

I'll just never understand it. The tattoo is hideous in the first place, and the artwork is just bad. Why would you want that on your body for the rest of your life? Okay, maybe for now its a funny conversation starter between you and the rest of your emo buddies. But what do you tell your kid one day when he's having nightmares about daddy being attacked by his tattoo? What do you do when you decide you need a "real" job? You can't even cover that thing with a turtleneck!

Sigh. I'll just never understand it.

My Arm Is Ringing, I Have To Take This...

Millions upon millions of people across the world have mobile phones. The cell phone industry is HUGE right now. There is a lot of competition on who has the best cell phone, plan, coverage, etc. on the market. The iPhone pretty much takes the cake (in my opinion, anyway).

However, this is pretty amazing. While it is completely theoretical at the moment, a man named Jim Mielke is working on a cell phone that would be implanted in your arm. Mielke entered his idea in the Greener Gadgets Design Competition 2008. The product is called the Digital Tattoo Interface. When the phone rings, a two-by-four inch tattoo of a phone display and keypad appears on your skin.

Tattoos with a function?! That's pretty awesome. Who wants to bet that if this device comes to fruition, Apple will patent it and sell it for $7,000 dollars?

What Were They Thinking? Installment 3

This one speaks for itself. It practically SCREAMS. And yes, that really is a permanent tattoo on his face.

I don't know about you all, but I'm going to have worse nightmares from seeing this picture than from watching the eyeball tattoo video

But Ma, It's Safer Than Going To The Dentist!

That's right. Mothers all over the planet may grimace upon reading this post.

It seems the Center for Disease Control has studied tattoos and their health risks, and the verdict is in.

NO CASE OF AIDS TRASMISSION HAS EVER BEEN DOCUMENTED IN A U.S. TATTOO STUDIO!

About Hepatitis:

Of the 13,387 annual cases of hepatitis detailed in the most recent CDC report,
12 are associated with tattoo studios. By comparison, 43 cases -- or better than
300% more -- are associated with dental offices

So in fact, you have a higher risk of contracting Hepatitis at your dentist office than at your tattoo parlour. Wow! Whodathunkit?

Sorry, moms. Looks like you have one less credible excuse why your kid shouldn't get some ink.

Eyeball Tattoo - Real Visual Destruction

In a previous post, the eyeball was mentioned as one of the five most painful places to get a tattoo. Of course, most of us wondered why anyone would tattoo their eyeball anyway.

This is why I love YouTube. If you want a video of someone crazy enough to get a tattoo on their eyeball, you can find it on YouTube.

WARNING: This video is not for the faint of heart. Also, I would probably suggest playing it on MUTE, only because death metal gives me a headache.

If A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words...

When I began watching Miami Ink on TLC, I instantly fell in love with the work of Kat Von D-- an artist known for her amazing portrait work. On every show, it seemed there was at least one client who came in to see Kat and get a memorial tattoo. One of my personal favorites was a tattoo of a little girl's face, but it was done in bubbles (its hard to explain, I know). I have searched for the picture, but unfortunately I can't find it. Anyway- the young couple had lost their daughter to terminal illness, and the mother wanted the tattoo to serve as a permanent reminder. It was beautiful, and I will admit to crying while watching the episode.

Moving on. I loved watching Kat create these intricate portraits. It was amazing to see how well the tattoos always turned out, and how closely they always resembled the pictures.

These tattoos are true works of art. Not that I'm downplaying other tattoos. But when an artist can use needles to create almost an exact replica of a photograph, I am very impressed. I decided to include a few of my favorites for your viewing pleasure.

For The Love of Ink, Please Consult a Dictionary First

This post could be considered part of my "What Were They Thinking" series, but with a twist. See, I like to call this one "Why Wasn't He Thinking?" And before I proceed, I will (reluctantly) confess that the topic of discussion here happens to be a family member. So I am allowed to poke fun- and I am extending the same permission to all of you devoted readers. Can I call you all family? I'd really like that.

Anyway- I mentioned in a previous post that you should always do a quick spell check before you get a tattoo. You really don't want the embarassment and/or regret of having a permanent typo on your body. Tattoo machines don't come with erasers or a backspace button.

That being said, carefully examine the picture below. Can you spot the 3 spelling errors?

Freinds. Straind. Surley.

Wow. I cannot stress the importance of double checking your tattoo stencil before the tattoo begins. You don't want to end up in my "What Were They Thinking" series, now do you?

What Were They Thinking? Installment 2

Okay, its one thing to permanently alter your own body with something strange. As I have said before, its your body- do as you will. But this person took it just a little too far...


No wonder the dog is missing- she probably ran away!!

No way. I can't accept this one. That's just WRONG! On many levels, too. First, we have the obvious- dogs don't want tattoos. As we've discussed before, tattoos aren't entirely pleasant. Even though the owner claims the dog was under anesthesia at the time, I don't buy the fact that this dog felt absolutely nothing. Once a tattoo is completed, you can't touch it, and it has to scab up and peel off (not attractive at all, my apologies) before it is healed. I highly doubt the dog listened and obeyed when her owner said, "Don't lick your tattoo, puppy. Don't get it dirty. It could get infected." Please. But beyond the physical, the tattoo itself frustrates me even more. Hello KITTY on a DOG??? It would be like Superman tattooing a portrait of Lex Luther on his bicep. Its just disturbing. I bet she gets picked on by all the other dogs at the park.

What were they thinking?!

Five Painful Places to Get a Tattoo

While doing some tattoo searching this week, I found an article on Newsweek’s website entitled “Five Painful Places to Get a Tattoo.” Hm. This has to be good, I thought to myself. Because in reality, shouldn’t any place on your body be a viable point for this list? Repeatedly poking a needle into your skin is going to be a little on the painful side. The degree of pain depends on the individual. When I got my first tattoo on my foot, people told me I was crazy- that it would hurt so much because the skin was so close to bone. I laughed it off, and my tattoo really wasn’t that bad. To me, it all comes down to the individual’s pain tolerance. If you can stand the pain, one place really shouldn’t differ much from the next.

Anyway, the article was pretty decent. It addressed my first concern by saying, “Being pricked repeatedly with a needle hurts no matter where it's done, but some body spots are more sensitive than others.” Okay, thank you.

The five most sensitive spots they listed were the eyeball, the mons pubis, the top of the foot or ankle, behind the ear, or the chest above your ribcage. Alright, I don’t retract my previous statement, but I have to agree. There is no way you could convince me to tattoo my eyeball or my mons pubis [insert disgusted face and sincerest sympathy for the dedicated tattoo artists who perform these requests]. Still, the thought of pain has yet to be a factor in my tattoo choices, so I think I’ll be alright.

What Were They Thinking: A Weekly Series...

I love spoting bizarre tattoos. Its a guilty pleasure. I must admit, there are times I seek out strange tattoos just for a good laugh. The sad part is, I have found so much material that "weird tattoos" can be a weekly topic, and I intend to make it a good one.

Since tomorrow is Superbowl Sunday, I started thinking about serious sports fans-- people who are so fanatical about their chosen sports teams or heroes that they would add a permanent souvenir to their body. For the first installment in my What Were They Thinking series, I have included my favorite weird sports tattoos...

This Washington Redskins fan has a list of Hall of Famers since 1932...


Alabama Crimson Tide Fan sporting a memorial to famous former coach Bear Bryant...


This Pittsburgh Steelers fan went with the montage approach...


This Mike Tyson fan found an alternative to "I'll never wash this autograph off my back!"

10 Things I've Learned in a Tattoo Shop...

1. Never piss off someone who is going to stick you with a needle and permanently alter your body. Not a good idea.

2. If you cry while getting your tattoo, they WILL pick on you.

3. Laughing while getting your tattoo is even worse- it makes them nervous.

4. Drunken tattoos are never a good idea (luckily, most shops will not tattoo an intoxicated person).

5. Proof your tattoo and be absolutely certain before your tattoo session begins. There are no do-overs, and laser removals are pricey.

6. Make sure your tattoo artist knows how to spell, or at least have a dictionary or fairly literate friend nearby.

7. "Is it going to hurt?" Yes. Yes, sticking a needle repeatedly into your skin is going to be a little uncomfortable. The degree of pain changes with every person. The location on your body will also change the degree.

8. Consider the location of your tattoo and how your body might change over time. Ladies, that little heart on your hip might be adorable now, but how will it look on a stretched out, pregnant belly? This can (and probably will) ruin your tattoo.

9. Never refer to your artist as a tattooist. My artist once explained to me that there is a big difference. While an artist can create anything you want, a tattooist just takes any design out of a book and slaps it on you. Calling an artist a tattooist is like calling a brain surgeon a med student.

10. Never EVER piss off your artist...